I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
