that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
