his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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