she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
