I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
