She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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