Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
