I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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