I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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