did you get engaged???
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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