You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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