Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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