"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
