If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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