Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We have so much sex to catch up on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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