Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
