Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
