Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize