There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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