So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
