WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
they're like a gay fantastic four
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
