At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
