my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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