Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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