the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
