well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
