I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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