If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
