sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
