She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
