So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We need a shit load of segways right now
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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