Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
