it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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