I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
