Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
