Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
