I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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