I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
