I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
