She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
