That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
