well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
