Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
