i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
