I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
