i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
