I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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