So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
