Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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