What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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