in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
