i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
