Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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