OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
