when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
