I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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