I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
