i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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