I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
