White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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