HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
