Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
