I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
