I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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