so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
