so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
