i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
