normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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