I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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