I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize