I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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